Embracing The Beautiful Mess – A Spoonie Life.

Spoonie. No, this does not mean they love spoons to the point they hoard them. This word originating from the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino, simply but effectively explains and demonstrates the many challenges that a person living with chronic illnesses face every day. Metaphorically used as a unit of measure for energy, this concept perfectly encapsulates the crudely limited energy and ability placed at their disposal.
Right from falling asleep to waking up, brushing your teeth to getting dressed, having breakfast to driving, becomes an uphill task for a Spoonie, demanding a very conscious effort on their part. All the while battling chronic fatigue. Feels like you’ve already exhausted your day’s supply of spoons. But life goes on and so you have to make the best of what is left for you to get through the day. Or borrow spoons and pay dearly in fatigue. THIS IS AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE. Tired, does not even begin to explain how you feel. It is too small a word for this Sisyphean odyssey.
Shooting back medication and doctor visitations become as normal to you as cancelling your social plans, because they just don’t have enough spoons to get through it. You cannot remember a time when you were not in pain. You understand your life is dictated by your illnesses wreaking havoc on your body and mind, but it is still frustrating and its associated guilt is not borne out of choice. Tired of explaining what afflicts you and being judged in return leaves you bitter sometimes, craving isolation. And “I don’t understand, you don’t look sick” comments make you really adept at hiding your pain because pretending to be fine is better than going through this ignorant ordeal one more time.
But you are not just your illnesses. Living out there, doing everything in your power to make the best of your situation, working on your dream, trying to make a change, being compassionate; it’s always one step forward, two steps back but you keep fighting. You are a warrior. And one day, the world will understand, you’re not alone in this fight! Till the, embrace your beautiful mess of a Spoonie life.