Where should I start from? I have so many questions lined up. Probably, I am going nuts.
I mentioned PAIN. Its in block letters because it’s excruciating and suffocating. Have you ever experienced a feeling when you just cant breath when your lungs are functioning normally. But, it is just that feeling when you want to grab some more oxygen for a little while. That extra gush of air would work as a miracle, may be.
The hard truth, It doesn’t. Our body is not as we believe it is. It is way messed up than we are emotionally, when we go through a break up. I guess you must be wondering why am I writing all this.
Well, lets just come back to pain.
PAIN /pein/ – “Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage.”
It is that annoying feeling you get when you bump your leg, fall down and hurt your elbow, when your stomach hurts, when you get your legs waxed. Lol! I can give you more examples but I am sure you understood what I am talking about. It’s a common feeling everybody gets. What is so big about it! It’s a common usual daily thing everybody goes through.
But, my question is what if that annoying feeling which we call PAIN, stays forever. It plans not to leave you. You are constantly in pain. Something like, pain is a part of you like your heart pumping, inhalation and exhalation of air. The constant throbbing or may be a dull ache. It’s there you know it, you can feel it but you can’t just make it stop.
What will you do in that situation? Run to a doctor? Tell him how you feel. Ask him to fix it. Or probably let the medicines take its course.
Another question, what if those medicines, frequent visit to the doctor, surgical procedures nothing can take your pain away. Pain wins! Pain is the real ruler. Pain is like John Snow. It comes back from death also and will stick till the end. Your life long companion. Your partner/ lover might just leave you but pain won’t.
Too much Pain talk. Isn’t it?
This is how i feel everyday. I have a chronic pain disorder.
There are many chronic pain disorders, some most common ones are arthritis, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, migraine. You can name many more. You would have come across some of them yourself. Some family member or friend or acquaintance suffering from them. Out of all these disorders I have a very rare one, it’s called the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS). Heard of it? I am sure you haven’t and if you have then either you are suffering from it or you have someone known suffering from.
If I have to explain CRPS in lay man terms I would call it a devil in disguise. You are in constant pain, makes your body weak, keeps you tired always and slowly and slowly drains all the happiness out of you.
“What nonsense is this. You sound mad. Don’t act like a baby. You are exaggerating things up. It’s there in your head, you are making your mind play such games on you.”
The constant response you get from people (so-called friends).
I am still wondering why am I writing all this because people who know me (acquaintances, so-called friends) will say that she wants attention.
Bloody, attention seeker!
My friends will say, “we can’t feel you but we know you are going through worse. We are there for you and if writing about it makes you happy then just do that.” But the real reason why I want to write about it is? Because the pain is real. It’s not in my mind. I am not faking it. Anybody suffering from it will get that. But, the general population won’t. Some might understand, but not everyone around you.
It is a condition as painful as cancer. It sucks your life. Cancer kills in the end ,so, the suffering ends. CRPS is your companion, it doesn’t kill you but makes your life miserable.